SAHM

I am a former Stay at Home Mom (SAHM). I miss it terribly. When I was married to my first husband, I had the blessing of raising our three children from home. It was all I ever wanted to do in my life. Never wanted to be a career woman, just a "mom". It was challenging having 3 kids under the age of 3 always under foot but I wouldn't change it for the world! We would go to the zoo, watch Barney and Emeril (BAM!). My kids and I would get tupperware and wooden spoons and march around the house in our marching band. We would play school downstairs at their own desks. We went to playgroups, the library for story time, and hung out with other moms and their kids. I could honestly say that was one of the happiest times of my life. I was actually the skinniest I've ever been and had many great (I thought) friends! Somedays I really miss it!

Then the "incident" happened. That triggered my severe bout of depression. I couldn't get off the couch. I gained 20lbs. I didn't go to playgroup anymore, didn't hang out with friends. I was a horrible mother. I needed to leave the marriage. It was a difficult decision to make, the kids were so young (5, 6 and 8). But I couldn't (wouldn't) live that way any more. I left the house and had to get a job. I lost my identity, lost my friends, lost my house and lost my kids half the time. Who was I? What just happened? Where did my life go? WTH?

A month after I left my husband, I got a job - parttime at first. There I met a man that would change my life forever! And a woman that would almost ruin me mentally. J and I started dating 6 months after I started working there and I had no intention of getting serious or EVER remarrying again! HAHA! A year later we were engaged and 18 months after my divorce was final, I became his wife. I was blessed because he welcomed my children with open arms and they fell in love with him just as I did. He was truly sent to us by God!!

I've often said in my first marriage "I would give up the money to be with someone that truly loved me". God heard my prayers - LITERALLY! lol. J and I do not have alot of money and I have to continue to work a full time job to help support us. I feel bad for my youngest daughters (J's daughter) as I feel she got screwed out of the kind of mother I was with the other 3. But we are HAPPY! All of us are happy. We may not have alot of money and going to the movies or out to dinner is a treat that needs to be saved for...but we are HAPPY! We have LOVE in our house! We have GOD in our house. That makes all the difference in the world! Their dad can give them ipods, cell phones, trips to Florida. I can give them a loving, family environment, centered around the love for God and each other. I can give them games of whiffle ball in the front yard, nights of swimming in the pool, and late night talks with mom. I can give them a step dad that truly loves them and is willing to put his life on the line for each and every one of them! I am truly Blessed!